Life is so ironic.  This summer I trained Emily, who was not a big runner, to do Ragnar Relay.  Let me give you some background:  Ragnar Relay is a team relay race that starts in Blaine, Washington and finishes on the South end of Whidbey Island. It is a 200 mile course that you split between 2 vans of 6 people and you each have to do a leg that is anywhere between 2.5 to 9 miles. So some people end up running 22miles. Emily had a hard time in her second leg, which was also her longest (8 miles) so I decided to run with her a bit to cheer her on. She turns to me and says, "I am going through darkness right now and this sucks and I want to stop." Emily, who had never run more than 3 miles in her life,  is now running 8 and the last four are uphill.  She is a cross fit athlete. She's pretty fit, but conditioning has never been her forte. That was the reason she was training with me. Emily finished her leg and actually made pretty good time.  Through that experience I have learned that everyone has got to work through their darkness....the unknown. It could be an injury like ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) related injuries, which are among the most common knee injuries. It could be going through pregnancy for the first time or it could be a birth defect that has recently started causing problems.

I have to work through a birth defect.  I have a abnormally long ulna which has caused a tear in the cartilage in my right wrist close to my pinkie finger. (TFCC Triangular fiber Cartilage Complex). It started off as an annoying click in my wrist when I did yoga and has evolved into not being able to put my seat beat on with out pain. Now remember, I have spent 4 years doing one arm push ups and hand stands to even being suspended on my left wrist in my fitness competition.  Now I'm sitting in front of a orthopedic surgeon telling me that the only solution is to cut my ulna in the middle and remove 2 mm and fuse my bones together.  Which means I will be in surgery one day, in a sling for 9 days, and in a cast for 8-10 weeks.  Oh, and the way I will have two titanium plates and screws holding my bone together until the bone grows back together.  Then I'll have another surgery to remove them. 

I sat in my car for 20 minutes and cried after my appointment.  How could this be? I just competed nationally less then two months prior, I am at the peak of my career, now it's getting good and I'm benched. I'm still crying now with the thought of whats to come. Thanks god for me being around people who have taught me that's it's going to be ok. It took me a long time to write this blog because I didn't know how to put into words what I was feeling. But now I know it's ok. This is my sign to slow down and work on other departments of my life. I have seen some of my clients recover faster then the doctors and physical therapist gave them.  I have seen them go through their ugly and make peace with themselves. But I am finally surrendered.
 
I went and got a second opinion as well and heard the same thing, I still cried, in front of the doctor this time. But he put me at ease by telling me that if he hadn't seen me now, it would have been 10 years from now. Being active just brought it up a lot soon and my recover speed is faster now than it's going to be 10 years from now.
I share this with you because there are some of you that put me on a pedestal and see me so far away from you. But you have to realize that everyone has their shit to work through. Sometimes its longer and sometimes it's a quick decision to let go and realize you are not superwomen. So thank you for all your prayers and heart-felt energy!  Peace and light to all of you! Come see me if you feel like you're in your ugly, I'll support your journey too!

Since my last post I've competed at the nationals in Pitsburgh, IFBB North American Championships.
I feel more comfortable on stage and better hitting my poses right away.  I felt more like a professional. I didn't know anyone. That was the first time I've competed was my alone (w/out my friend competing too).  My roommate was a friend of a friend.
I left there so encouraged.  I have a new friend in Atlantanow and joined Dream Quests team and made improvements in my placings.
But I told 4th in my age group and 6th over all nationally.  I decided not to the Florida because it's not long enough to make the improvement I need to make. I'm excited to work on the off season making minor tweeks to my physic and more readiness mentally. Competition helps solidify why I'm in the career I am in.  It's a mental game and there are components that really matter when you changing your physic and training. For instance, 1. being ok with being 10lbs. heavier on the off weight can ready blow your mind and keep you from making the changes that you need for the following year. 2. Staying on top of your eating and replacing the extra cardio you were doing during season with spending time catching up on what you missed such as..taking long baths going for walks around Greenlake, and hanging out with my husband, son and friends. 3. Training differently-stretching the muscles that got neglected because of time, hot yoga, and fun classes like belly dancing.

After 10 years of competing, I believe in seasons, there are times and places for everything.  I have to staying account with someone or a group of people simply for my focus and clarity or reminder of goals.  Give yourself what you need or you will never feel fulfilled and most important love those in your life around you like my husband and family they are with me in and out of season.